My Husband Wants His “Freedom” More Than Our Marriage

Our live caller explains, “My husband has been falling out of love with me and wants a divorce. He says a lot of the problems in our marriage were due to my ‘nagging.’”

“He wants to be free. He’s travelled over the past couple of years for work, and has been getting the freedom he enjoys- where he can go have fun venturing around by himself without a wife. ”

Dr. Joe Beam explains when we look at situations going on in a marriage, we view it in terms of a “push” or a “pull.” In this case, “nagging” describes an undesirable behavior that would be “pushing” this caller’s husband away from her.

She explains, she was “nagging” her husband initially because she missed him. But now, the situation has changed. He tells her that he “doesn’t want to be tied down,” he’s doing what he wants, and is coming and going as he pleases.

However, her husband still ultimately wants to live at home. He wants a divorce, but also wants to live in the same house and raise their kids together.

Until he makes a move one way or another, there’s no “magic phrase” she can say, but she can be consistent over time. That is, consistently creating positive interactions.

While freedom is a big “pull” away from a marriage, it’s more like chasing a fantasy- expecting life to be a certain way. He may be living that fantasy, but at some point it begins to deteriorate… So if she can keep doing these things, hanging on long enough for him to realize the fantasy he’s chasing isn’t what he thought it would be, there is a possibility to put this back together!

Dr. Joe Beam also refers this caller to a more in-depth Marriage Helper video on this topic: “Should We Have Sex While Separated.” For the video: “Should We Have Sex While Separated” please visit: https://marriagehelper.com/should-we-have-sex-if-we-are-separated/

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